november 2018

 

                                     (i)

...out there something was marred

the smiles, moons, headlines, even the ideologues

 

all have been frozen into a blur

and from the very moment I first opened my eyes

 

some inaccuracy was left hanging in the air

and I have felt, falling through my heart

 

an unending breath

an ancient, yellow dust

 

of worlds long since dead

of deities stalling this drive to exist

 

to be something, anything

that might stop the blurring

 

because something must have happened out there

something with a taste for darkness

 

a rendition, a slogan, a meme

some final madness that gleefully dislocated my soul

 

the drive to exist

not even a memory anymore

 

something out there is wrong

something falling through my heart...

 

 

 

                        (ii)

 

...and so what now

if I leap far enough out from the cliff

 

all that will remain is this incompatible freedom

of forever falling, of forever feeling miles

 

and miles above a sinister reality

an emptiness that glares back at me

 

with unrelenting vengeance

gravity the eater of light

 

the stranger at the end of things

the snake-charmer who once opened my legs

 

and encircled my ovaries with lust

then slowly pulled out

 

leaving millions and millions of galaxies at my disposal

and so I plummeted

 

 on and on accelerating into gravity’s nightmare

a mother to meaningless freedom

 

a father to meaningless vengeance

 standing at the cliff edge

 

watching reality collapse

and still too afraid to leap out...

 

 

 

                         (iii)

 

...no, my minotaur soul is not ready to die, not yet

still it rages for human flesh

 

still it cries for release

for any chance to push the universe back

 

into sacrificial madness

it is the unsettling caricature

 

the dark sentinel beside me

and no thread of love will ever find or bind

 

this impenetrable evil

this creature with the expedient mind

 

that is, it seems, not yet ready to die

and if a meteor once again

 

showers the earth with semen

my heart will, once again, vanish with pain

 

because every bull-creature of this world will stop

lift its head and listen intently

 

wondering if now it is their turn

to stamp upon the dead

 

to roar through the gates of hell

and push on to oblivion...